Become friends with non-Christians
The gospel gives us the power to be a true friend
We church planters are encouraged to build relationships with non-Christians, as having a relationship of trust is the first step to sharing the gospel. Indeed, Jesus built a relationship with the woman at the well in Samaria before he brought up her sin; it is even written that Jesus became a friend of sinners (Luke 7:34). Since words and deeds should always go together, friendship with non-Christians is a crucial part of our gospel presentation. The term “friendship ministry” has come out of such an understanding of the need of friendship in the evangelistic context.
But what does it mean to be a friend of non-Christians? Sometimes, we think it means to be just an acquaintance or a casual friend, close enough to start a conversation. But when we look at the Bible, the concept of “friend” is much deeper than that. “A friend loves at all times” (Prov. 17:17 ESV). “Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel” (Prov. 27:9). “Two are better than one . . . For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” (Eccl. 4:9-10). The Bible portrays friends as committed to each other, and that they are an invaluable help in times of difficulty. Friends need each other and help each other.
Implications for us
Sometimes we think we should come alongside our friends and offer help in their moment of difficulty. This is right, but only half true. Scripture tells us that friendship is reciprocal. To be a friend means that we also need to be vulnerable before them and be ready to receive their help. It can feel awkward to ask for their help and encouragement when we know the ultimate helper and counselor, Jesus. Yet biblical friendship invites us to learn from friends (regardless of whether they are Christian or not)—“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another” (Prov. 27:17). We fool ourselves if we think we do not need friendship from non-Christians. When Jesus came to Samaria to share God’s good news to the woman at the well, he became vulnerable and asked for water. It was not fake or posed—he had a real need and asked her for help. Out of his humble reliance on a non-Christian woman, the gospel shone through.
This does not mean we do everything with them so that we come to be seen as a friend of the world. Our allegiance is with God, and we need to make sure that there is a boundary between the way of Jesus and the way of the world. Yet, Paul said, we are not called to dissociate from sinful friends (1 Cor. 5:9–10), and Jesus said we are called to be salt and light in the world. This does not mean we should seek friendship with non-Christians over Christians. We surely need to pursue true friendship within the body of Christ as we are one in Christ. However, this should not dissuade us from pursuing a true friendship with non-Christians.
It is not easy to be a true friend with non-Christians. To be vulnerable before anyone is not easy. We want to be respected and needed, not to be pitied or needy. It can feel dangerous to open up ourselves to non-Christians, because they might not understand and could criticize us. The only way that we become a true friend is through the gospel, which gives us power to be vulnerable and humbly accept their friendship. No matter how low we become, the gospel tells us that we are nonetheless called as God’s sons and daughters, and our life is kept in Jesus.
An example from my life
When my son injured his neck and was hospitalized, I was in a pit of fear and anxiety. A non-Christian friend saw me during his morning run before going to his work. When he found out what I was going through, he came and sat with me for about an hour in his busy morning. He didn’t say much, just listened to my story. I needed that. His friendship helped me during my difficult time, and through my vulnerable moment we became true friends. He is not yet a Christian, but it became much easier for me to share the gospel with him. He knows what faith has been for me and how Christ helped me in that difficult time.
When Jesus became a friend of sinners, he was willing to be helped, be encouraged, and enjoy their friendship. Are we ready to be a true friend with our non-Christian friends? Then we will find encouragement, joy, and a work of the gospel in it.