Becoming better listeners

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” This quote of Stephen R. Covey regularly pops up on social media. Perhaps this shows how many people long to be listened to in order to be really understood. Perhaps it also reveals that many of us know that we are not good at real listening.

A few years ago, my husband and I had the privilege of attending a course on pastoral psychology at Hokkaido Bible Institute taught by OMF missionary Kaori Chua (known as Kaori Sai among the Japanese-speaking community). A major topic of this course was how to become a good listener. At that time, we were involved in church-planting ministry, and several of the seekers God brought us had various hurts and issues in their lives. These seekers needed real listeners who would ask questions in such a way that opened up conversation rather than shut it down. These seekers needed people who were listening to the Holy Spirit while they were listening to them. And so we found Kaori’s lectures of great practical and spiritual help in our ministry. Kaori wrote this to me about her book:

Good listening is the foundation of every care-giving ministry as well as Christian mission. We do not know what to share without listening to the hearts of people. But how can we listen to others in such a way that we could truly be of help to them—not only to solve their problems but also to bring them closer to Christ? This is the question I have explored for many years through reading, training, and my own practice of pastoral and counseling ministry.

Based on the conviction that every Christian is called to be a good listener (to God and to our neighbours), this book presents a biblical foundation of the ministry of listening and suggests practical ways in which we can integrate our faith in our daily practice of listening. Although the book is written with a view to equipping lay Christians to care for one another in church, the same basic principles can be used when we reach out to non-Christians. Special care was taken to pay attention to the context of Japan in our practice of listening.

Biblically-based and immensely practical, Kaori’s book Becoming a Good Listener is written in Japanese but is not difficult to read.¹ It starts by considering the importance of knowing how to listen to God, before addressing how to listen to others. The book contains Scripture passages to ponder and practical examples to learn from. It is not so much a book to be read for enjoyment as a tool to be used, especially by Japanese believers.

Becoming a Good Listener can be read or studied individually or in a group. At the end of each chapter, there are discussion questions and a practical exercise to facilitate self-reflection and active learning.

A few months ago, I told a Japanese Christian worker about the publication of this book. He was very excited, saying it was something much needed in many Japanese churches. I would definitely recommend using this with the believers in your ministry to encourage and equip them to care for each other in a deeper way.

You can buy Becoming a Good Listener from Christian bookstores or online for 2,000 yen plus tax. (Kaori is donating the royalties from the book to Hokkaido Bible Institute, where she and her husband How Chuang served for several years.)

1. 蔡香、よい聴き手になるために — 聖書に学ぶ相互ケア(Kaori Sai, Becoming a Good Listener: What the Bible Teaches About Caring for One Another) (Word of Life Press Ministries, 2016).