Emotional Self-Care
Emotions are God’s creation—they are necessary for physical, mental, and spiritual wholeness. They enable us to make and keep connections to the world around us. Without emotion, we could not love, we would not learn through pain, and we could not experience joy. Emotions, positive and negative, are a gift from God. They make us human, as opposed to robots. However, when emotion controls us for too long, it can be harmful for our health.
Theology of emotion
It is generally considered that expressing anger is wrong.1 Some Christians misunderstand emotions, thinking that spiritual and mature Christians should not be emotional. These are half-truths.
A close look at the gospels provides a picture of a fully human Jesus, a real person who was tested and tempted in every way that we are (Heb. 4:15). The Bible is clear that Jesus experienced and expressed a full range of emotions: sorrow as He overlooked the city of Jerusalem (Luke 19:41), fear in the garden (Matt 26:37–44), grief at the tomb of Lazarus (John 11:35), joy in welcoming children (Mark 10:16), disappointment in Peter’s denial (Luke 22:61), and anger on numerous occasions—with Peter, with Pharisees, and in the Temple.
Jesus, Son of God, did not hesitate to express His emotions, but He did it in the center of the Father’s will.
We need to figure out the boundary between emotions that are necessary and those that are harmful. For example, we need to consider when is our anger good (anger at a wrong being done, or an injustice) and when is our anger harmful (anger that stems from a selfish root). When we understand the difference, we can represent and express God’s justice, kindness, mercy, and sadness for the lost on this earth.
Practical help
One important skill we can learn is how to deal with a negative emotion. If the emotion is denied, or not expressed and repressed, it will accumulate and cause all kinds of emotional problems.
“This shouldn’t happen to me; I don’t want to accept this.” We deny our emotions when we think, “I’m okay, I’m not sad even though I was rejected or failed.”
A healthy approach to emotions is to identify unhelpful emotions and their causes, and learn from the experience.
Let’s do an exercise
Search your negative emotions about recent events and name the emotions. It’s important to find accurate words or a few sentences about your feelings, so take your time. You can do this on paper, or just in your head.
After you name your emotions, the next step is to consider if there is another perspective. Reflect on what these emotions are telling you about your inner needs. What is God teaching you through these emotions?
When you know your emotions and describe the feelings in words, the healing process starts. Take your time to accept them, express them, and if possible share with someone. Bring your emotions to the Lord in prayer, too. Repeat this as many times as you need. Do not quickly conclude, “It’s okay, because God is in control”. Take time to accept that you are actually experiencing the feeling and try to figure out what it is teaching you about yourself.
Remember the positive side of your emotions. Emotions help us understand ourselves; they can tell us what we need. For example, anger at an insult is a protective emotion. If you didn’t get angry, you’d allow that person to continue to hurt you.
Continue this exercise until you feel you are controlling the negative emotion rather, than the emotion controlling you.2
Conclusion
It is good to remember that to be Christ-like is to be emotional. Rather than trying to repress or deny our emotions, we need to work at identifying and managing our emotions, and learning from what we feel. Our struggles are real. Christ was fully human and fully divine, and He suffered and struggled like us. Therefore, He can understand us completely. Our journey on this earth is with Christ, who has already won the fight through the cross for us.
Learning to express our emotions in line with the Father’s will is a life-long journey. Let us continue to seek His will in all we do and feel. 
1. Peter Brain, Going the Distance, The GoodBook Co., 2001, 85.
2. Please note that this article is not talking about mental illness. If you or someone you know is having serious difficulties in this area, seek professional help. See this link for information about warning signs of mental illness: http://www.psychiatry.org/mental-health/more-topics/warning-signs-of-mental-illness
Ideas for maintaining emotional health
- Keep an emotional journal
- Have a healthy theology of emotion
www.missionarycare.com
Dr. Archibald D. Hart, The Anxiety Cure, Thomas Nelsen, 2001.
Peter Brain, Going the Distance, The GoodBook Co., 2001.
Sue Augustine, When Your Past is Hurting Your Present, Harvest House Publishing, 2005.
Karla McLaren,* The Language of Emotions, Sounds True, 2010.
David G. Benner, Care of Souls: Revisioning Christian Nurture and Counsel, Baker Books, 1998.
Kay Arthur, Lord, Heal my Hurts, Waterbrook Press, 2000.
*Please note that McLaren isn’t a Christian. However, the book is useful.