Practicing lament

How was this past year for you? I think most people would answer with some variation of stressful, lonely, frustrating, challenging, yet filled with moments of seeing God at work in and through the circumstances we encountered. One word I often heard discussed last year was “lament.” To be honest, at first I was a bit irritated that this word kept appearing everywhere I turned. Yes, we know we have to be honest with our feelings; we have to sit quietly with what’s going on to get at the root of what we might be struggling with. But in a year when so much of our time suddenly was spent sitting quietly, I was filled with longing to just get busy doing something, something that would feel productive and redeem the time. Lament felt too . . . stationary. However, once I finally started paying more attention to this word, I was helped by what the Lord had to show me.

Psalm 88

One of the first things God challenged me with was Psalm 88. Usually, when we talk about laments, we look at other psalms (e.g. Ps. 13, 42, or 86) or the book of Job or Lamentations, all of which include elements of praise and statements of trust that God will see us through. These laments follow a similar pattern: complaint, petition, cursing, confession of sin or faith, and expression of trust or praise. But Psalm 88 does not follow this pattern.

In Psalm 88, the author seems stuck in despair. His complaint and petition end on a note of hopelessness. It is as if he poured out all of his suffering before the Lord and then simply sat down, empty of words or even tears. I was challenged by this because I wonder how often I have tried to rush myself or others through a Psalm 88-type complaint, to get to the more typical biblical-lament ending—on a high note. Yet Psalm 88 is part of God’s Word and it’s given to us as a reminder of the suffering of the Sons of Korah (who wrote it) and as a template for expressions of lament.

Maybe some of us got stuck last year in despair. This may have to do with COVID-19, or maybe other things that had nothing to do with the pandemic. What can we do if we are stuck in despair? I felt the Lord saying—it’s all right to get stuck, to sound like a broken record with our complaints and petitions. The Lord doesn’t get tired of listening to us, and it’s good for us to get these things out, kind of like clearing pus from a wound so it can heal.

But God also showed me that while it may be normal to get stuck in Psalm 88 for a season, it’s important to remember that this isn’t our final landing place. There are some safeguards that can prevent us from lingering here too long.

Safeguards to prevent getting stuck in lament

First—we shouldn’t be afraid to be real with God. We should make a practice of being brutally honest with the Lord. He is the only one who will never be offended by us or tired of hearing about our struggles.

Some of us hold back because we don’t want to become grumblers or have a complaining spirit (Phil. 2: 14-15). Others hold back because we feel it dishonors God if we admit to negative thoughts. Yet others struggle to draw near to the Lord as their friend. But we see throughout Scripture that the Lord longs for us to approach Him with our whole selves. He already knows what we are going through anyway. Whenever we bring something to Him, in a sense we are opening that part of ourselves up for His Spirit to minister to. Like Job, as long as we’re directing our pain and grievances towards God, we are keeping ourselves open to His appearance and intervention. By regularly approaching the Lord this way, we are to some extent protected from the sudden crash that can happen if we ignore our negative emotions for a protracted time.

Second—after we pour out our hearts we can sit in silence and wait for God to respond. We can ask Him, “What do You want to say to me about this?” This may be a scary question to ask, especially in seasons where God feels far away and His only answer seems to be silence. It may feel easier to skip this part and just get back into the work He has entrusted to us. However, by having the courage to ask God this question and wait for His answer, we are opening ourselves to the entrance of His love and sustaining strength.

Third—we should at some point push ourselves to utter an expression of trust or praise. When this moment comes is between you and God, but we can trust that the Spirit will help us to speak of His goodness even when we don’t yet feel it in our hearts. As we praise Him with our wills, we open ourselves to the surprising entrance of His peace.

These last two points are also ways that we can help others when they are going through a difficult season. As we pray for our suffering friends, we can ask on their behalf, “Lord, what do You want to say to them? Help them to hear Your voice and receive the help they need.” When they are unable to do so on their own, we can express trust in God’s faithfulness and praise for His love for them. We can be the body of Christ to one another.

Modern-day example

As I’ve been meditating on Psalm 88 I have been greatly encouraged by the example of Adjith Fernando.¹ During the height of the civil war in Sri Lanka, Adjith was overwhelmed by the suffering and death around him. Every day someone he knew was killed; every day he and his wife feared for their safety and their friends and family. So he began to walk. Every day he would leave his office and walk—crying out to God in his spirit. As he pounded the dirt with his feet, he pounded heaven with his tears and pain. He would pour out his heart until he felt a shift in his spirit. Sometimes this would be after an hour, sometimes longer. When he felt that his burden had been lightened even slightly, he would turn back towards home. All the way back, he would intercede for his country.

The part I found most encouraging was that Adjith did this every day, for months. His style of lament was not a one-time baring of his soul. Rather it was a practice, a way of life. He used lament to bring his pain and needs before the Lord over and over again. In doing so, he placed himself in a position to receive the strength and grace to get through that one day. His practice of lament was to live out a very painful reality one day at a time.

My hope is that we can do the same. Let’s draw near to the Lord with whatever is in our hearts, even if we’re stuck for a season in the complaint and petition part of the process. Let’s keep pressing in to Him with brutal honesty, eventually finding our way out, back into a place of trust where we can lift up the needs of others too. My hope is that we can become people who embrace lament as part of our lives and learn to walk well with others who are suffering. For those of us who are stuck in Psalm 88, may we experience the Lord’s help and once again say with David:

But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.

I will sing to the LORD, because he has dealt bountifully with me. (Psalm 13:5-6 ESV)

1. Adjith Fernando, An Authentic Servant: the Marks of a Spiritual Leader (The Lausanne Movement, 2008).
Suggested further reading: Healing the Wounds of Trauma: How the Church can Help by Harriet Hill, Margaret Hill, Richard Baggé, and Pat Miersma (American Bible Society, NY, 2014).
Many thanks to Dr. Lisa Sinclair for her teaching on Psalm 88 and the practice of lament.

[Note: In the printed version of Japan Harvest, this article was entitled “Crying out to God”.]