When I realized “I didn’t have to strive to be loved”

Pastor and drummer of rock band Night de Light Michiya Tanaka always encourages people around him and is full of smiles. After returning from studying in the US 12 years ago, Tanaka opened up his church to young people as a place where they could belong. Through his music he shares the message of hope, and as a pastor he provides a place where youngsters feel they can belong.

“When a teenager loses their trust in one adult, they often lose their trust in all adults. That is why it is important for them to find that one person whom they can trust.”

One Christmas, some of the church middle schoolers put together a skit about ants quarreling over food. What the ants thought was food was in fact insecticide. A human who saw what was happening tried to warn the ants, but the ants didn’t understand her. So the girl became an ant and tried to stop them. Even then, the ants would ignore her. As a final resort, the girl took the “food” and ate it herself and died. It was then that the ants realized the sacrificial love of the girl. This is what Jesus Christ did for us when he became a man to save us.

Dealing with young people can be challenging at times. “Even though we give them our all, we don’t always get a positive response. Sometimes we are met with betrayal or rejection, and it feels like all was in vain. But that is precisely what reminded me of the love of Jesus.”

His band was starting to take off and one of their songs was even selected as the official supporters’ song for a professional soccer team in Hokkaido, where the band members are based. However, around 2017, all that passion and happiness faded and he felt he was “unworthy.”

Tanaka, known for his positivity and hard work, started feeling down. It was just before the band was due to play a concert of their own, and he felt overwhelmed. “I didn’t have the energy to live, nor did I have the guts to die. How could someone in that state be worthy of singing songs of hope? This carried on for five months. My family and band mates stayed by my side. Words of hope and gentle sounds are what kept me going. Even though I had given up hope on myself, people around me still believed in me. That took the weight off my chest.”

It was during those dark days that he realized that he “didn’t have to strive to be loved. It is because I am loved that I can carry on.”

Based upon Tanaka’s own experience and conversation with over 2,000 youngsters, he put together a book titled いいんだよ、 昨日までのこと全部。 心が軽くなる31のアンサー (approximately—Don’t Worry About the Past—31 Answers to Lighten Your Heart, published by Word of Life Press Ministries). The book has been distributed to schools across Japan. He continues to send messages of hope through various media.

From Christian Shimbun, November 28, 2021
Translated by Grace Koshino