Discussing Difficult Issues

This article is the fourth installment of a four-part series that addresses the following four propositions: the members of a ministry team that functions well will (1) share and articulate a common purpose, (2) know how each team member contributes to that purpose, (3) know how they work together, and (4) discuss difficult issues effectively.

Do you want to be on a healthy ministry team?

I know I do. I used to think that a healthy ministry team always functioned smoothly—it never faced any difficult issues and everyone always got along. I soon found my view was unrealistic. I now recognize that a healthy ministry team is not necessarily free of difficult issues. The thing that keeps a team healthy is talking effectively about difficult issues.

Do you want to improve the health of your team?

If so, take the following two action steps: (1) identify difficult issues that your team needs to discuss and (2) find ways to get the team to talk effectively about them.

Let’s take a deeper look at each action step.

Step 1

What difficult issue(s) does your team need to talk about? Some possibilities include:

1. Ineffective communication patterns, such as not everyone participating in meetings, one or more people frequently dominating discussions, and some team members consistently interrupting others.
2. Team members not participating in discussions fully due to, for example, sending emails.
3. Team members regularly coming unprepared to meetings.
4. Team members having different mindsets. For example, maintaining traditional practices vs. trying new things and finishing meetings on time vs. letting everyone talk until they are done.

Step 2

How can you get your team talking effectively about difficult issues? Here are six ways I’ve found helpful:

1. Establish credibility by modeling appropriate behavior. For example, if meetings don’t begin on time because everyone wants to chat at first, arrive five minutes early so you are ready to start the meeting at the scheduled time.
2. Get the team to collaboratively establish four to six meeting guidelines. Examples include “everyone should participate” and “only one person should speak at a time”. Such guidelines will facilitate discussion of difficult issues. Having decided on the guidelines, start each meeting by inviting everyone to help the team function well by following them.
3. Ask questions that encourage everyone to participate. When someone is not participating in a discussion, say “Hiroko, we haven’t heard from you. How do you see this?” When someone is dominating a discussion, say “Kim has shared her viewpoint. How do others of you see this?” Or when people are operating at cross-purposes, say “It seems like some of us want to close the discussion, vote, and head home, while others of us want to reach consensus. How do you want to proceed?
4. Gently address difficult issues. For example, if Tom interrupts Steve, say “Could you hold that thought, Tom? I think Steve may not have finished sharing. Steve, could you finish up?” Or before a discussion, say “For this discussion to go well, we need to give it our full attention. Let’s put away our laptops and turn off our phones so we can fully focus on the matter at hand.”
5. Invite the team to read and discuss a book on talking effectively about difficult issues, for example, Crucial Conversations¹, Crucial Accountability², or Fierce Conversations³. Alternatively, ask the team to read and discuss this article, including the questions at the end.
6. At the end of each meeting, hold a debriefing time that addresses the following three questions: What went well? What could be improved? What were the highlights of the meeting and what insights did you gain? (Note that the second question will get your team talking about difficult issues.)

The point?

To help your ministry team function well, talk effectively about difficult issues.

What about your team?

What is one difficult issue your team needs to discuss?

For your team, what things do you feel comfortable about and what things do you feel uncomfortable about when tackling difficult issues?

On a scale of 1 to 5 (5 being the most effective), how effectively does your team talk about difficult issues?

How could you help your team discuss difficult issues effectively?

What will you do?

1. Kerry Patterson et al. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High (2nd ed.) (McGraw-Hill, 2011).
2. Kerry Patterson et al. Crucial Accountability: Tools for Resolving Violated Expectations, Broken Commitments, and Bad Behavior (2nd ed.) (McGraw-Hill, 2013).
3. Susan Scott, Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and in Life One Conversation at a Time (Berkley Trade, 2004).