Adjustment Struggles
A sleepless night filled with nightmares, wet beds, and tears didn’t help our morning. We were rushed and tired as my husband headed off to language class and I headed off to the hospital with my two preschool-aged daughters in tow. We trudged through the snow, caught the train, trudged through more snow, then waited. I was four months pregnant and needed some blood work done. We waited for over an hour to see the doctor (while I entertained and mediated between the tired, irritable girls). I gave the girls some snacks and spoke to the doctor. About two minutes later she sent me home with instructions to come back next week when the other blood results were in! I had been to the hospital about five times in five weeks, and this was the last straw. As I fought back the tears I wondered, “Why is everything so hard?”
My family and I moved to Japan from Australia eight months ago. We have a four-year old, a three-year old, and a newborn. My husband Paul and I are both full-time language students trying to adjust to life as a family in this new place we call home. The road has not been easy, and we’ve faced many challenges, one of which is parenting.
While we knew that transition would not be easy for our children, it has been so much harder than we could have imagined. People mentioned that it can be a hard time for kids, but no one really expressed how that (of course) makes parenting a whole lot harder. The kids have faced so many changes in a very short space of time: they miss family, friends, and our life in Australia, but are unable to explain the complex things that they feel. Volatile emotions, sleepless nights, and exasperating behaviour are now normal. The line between discipline and grace is very blurry these days, and there have been numerous times when I’ve shouted out in desperation, “I’ve got no idea what to do right now!”
Obviously part of the challenge has been my own struggle with transition. Being tired, stressed, and emotionally drained creates the perfect storm of impatience, low energy, irritation, and frustration. Not exactly the best combination for good parenting—the struggle for godliness in the midst of this has been real.
We’ve also struggled with what I like to call the “relationship gap”. We left behind many dear friends and family, an extremely supportive church, and other smaller communities. While we have made new connections and friendships, naturally those relationships take time to develop and deepen to the level of those we left behind. Time is the main reason for the ‘gap’ between what we have and what we’ve left behind. All we can do is wait, which is difficult. Also the busyness of our lives here limits the time we have to spend with people, which means new relationships take even longer to build.
We have struggled to find a good balance in our lives. Full-time study, family, adjusting to life here, church and so on—so much is happening all the time! This doesn’t even include time to relax, exercise, spend time with the Lord, meet new people, enjoy family time, go on the occasional date, and stay connected with special people from Australia. We just can’t do it all.
I know that these challenges are faced by many people all over the world and are not confined to the Japanese context. Yet being overseas and in transition make these general struggles all the more complicated and acutely felt.
In all of these challenges though, we are truly thankful to be here and look forward to growing, changing and adapting . . . and being patient with ourselves in the meantime.