Biblical Response to Warukuchi
Having considered the problem of waruguchi and noted its prevalence in Japanese culture, it’s important to ask how we as Christians should respond when people slander us behind our backs, especially within a Japanese context. There’s a lot that could be said on the subject; here are some reflections based on my experience.
Four things not to do
First, don’t be taken by surprise. We live in a fallen world, and Jesus taught his disciples that they could expect to receive the same kind of treatment he received while living in this world.
Second, don’t take the harsh things people say about us too much to heart. We often care overly much about what others think and say about us (it’s certainly a sin that I’m particularly susceptible to). It’s natural to want to be thought well of by others, but ultimately our identity comes from God and what he thinks and says about us (more about that below). Slander can have the beneficial effect of weaning us off worrying about what others think and grounding us more firmly in God’s estimation of us in Jesus.
Third, we should avoid the opposite reaction of totally disregarding what others say about us. It’s important to consider whether we’ve done anything to offend the other person. That’s especially critical in a cross-cultural context. We all know how easy it can be to unwittingly offend others even when we share the same culture—the potential to offend is greatly enhanced when we operate across cultures. Sometimes, the offence could be totally unrelated to what they’re saying about us to others.
Finally, we should resist the temptation to respond in kind. The most natural way to respond to slander is to spread malicious gossip about the perpetrators. But we’re called to bless those who curse us. Peter instructs us to “not repay … reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing” (1 Peter 3:9 ESV). Retaliate against those who say bad things about us behind our backs by saying good things about them behind their backs! In this way, we will be following in the footsteps of Jesus who “when he was reviled, he did not revile in return” (1 Peter 2:23).
Positive ways to counteract gossip
It goes without saying that as Christians we should we never actively propagate gossip. But we can also be proactive by being the first to stand up for others when they’re maliciously maligned. There’s the temptation to feel relieved that we’re not the ones being talked about and so keep quiet (or even secretly enjoy the slander—especially if it’s about a person we find difficult to get along with). Refuting gossip can take some courage, and it may mean that we find ourselves on the receiving end.
When people say hurtful things about us, we can take the pain to God. Like every trial that we experience in this life, when handled wisely it can bring us closer to God. We have a heavenly Father who cares for us deeply and to whom we can take any care or concern. We also have a Saviour who has experienced firsthand what it’s like to be slandered when He had done absolutely nothing to deserve it.
We’re to see everything from a gospel perspective. The truth is that people can’t say anything too bad about us. They might say many things that are untrue and unfair, but if they really knew what we are like, they could say far worse things. Martyn Lloyd-Jones states, “When a man truly sees himself, he knows nobody can say anything about him that is too bad. You need not worry about what men say or do; you know you deserve it all and more.”
To confront or not to confront?
When I heard someone whom I considered a good friend speaking about me behind my back in the laboratory of a Japanese university, I agonized about whether I should directly confront him about it. The thing that made it so hard was that he never showed any indication of animosity to my face. In fact, he acted as if he were a good friend. After I had left the laboratory and started a new job, he asked to meet me socially. I confronted him by email. I never received a reply.
I suspect that when you are certain that others are talking maliciously that direct confrontation is probably the best approach, even if it goes against Japanese culture. (I’d love to hear how others have responded in similar situations.)
A gossip-free community
The church should be a gossip-free community. What a counter-cultural witness that can be in Japan! The church should be a place where people are able to feel secure, confident that others are not saying malicious things about them when they’re not around. When we’re hurt or wronged by others, our first response should not be to malign that person to others, but rather to confront the person face to face (again a very counter-cultural response—and not just in Japan either!). We’re only to involve others if that initial approach fails, and even then, it’s to be done in a loving way with a view to restoring the relationship (Matt 18:15–17).
Tune in to the heavenly conversation about us
Probably the most important thing we can do is, by faith, to tune in to another conversation that’s being held about us. Right now, there’s another slandering match going on behind our backs—the devil is accusing us before the throne of God. I suspect that he doesn’t have to resort to lies (which are not much use in the presence of omniscience); he only needs to remind God of what’s true about us. (On the rare occasions when he can’t find any dirt, he can accuse of us of having impure motives, as he did with Job). Fortunately, he’s the not the only person speaking about us to God—John tells us that “if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous” (1 John 2:1). He does not plead extenuating circumstances (or insanity!), rather he pleads his work on our behalf—his perfect life and substitutional death on a cross.
The hymn writer expresses it thus:“Before the throne of God above I have a strong, a perfect plea; A great High Priest, whose name is Love, Who ever lives and pleads for me.”
With an advocate like that, we needn’t be overly concerned about what others say about us and we can be empowered to love them with the same love that God has showered upon us.
What is your response to waruguchi? If you have suggestions or thoughts feel free to drop me a line.