Coaching in evangelism and discipleship

The following, seemingly contradictory, comments not only came from the same person but came in the same conversation:

“I am convinced that the teachings of Jesus Christ are something that all people should live by.”

“I am just not ready to choose Christianity.”

On the surface, it sounded like many other conversations I have had over the years with Japanese people, but there was something about the way he used the word “choose” that caught my attention.

A few strategic questions and listening to the answers revealed why, questions like:

• What makes Christianity so compelling to you?
• What do you mean by “choose”?
• What makes “making the right choice” important to you?

Like the majority of Japanese, Mr. A had grown up Buddhist. Generations of his family had belonged to a particular Buddhist sect until suddenly, and without discussion, the family matriarch changed sects. Mr. A’s father was not happy and made it clear that, once his children became adults, they would never be bound by his religious choices. Mr. A, therefore, has spent his entire adult life carrying this weight of choice on his shoulders. This choice was, unknowingly, creating an obstacle in his spiritual journey. He knew what he wanted; he just couldn’t “choose” it.

Every person that we meet is on a spiritual journey of some kind. It is of vital importance that we are open to finding out where people are on their journey and to respond appropriately.

One of the unwritten rules of coaching is that during a formal coaching session, we must be listening 75 percent of the time and only asking questions the other 25 percent—but not just any questions. Powerful questions. Questions that prompt the coachee to share their entire journey—where they have been, where they are now, and where they want to go. Questions that create awareness for the coachee of the obstacles and the real reasons they exist. Coaching is about helping the coachee take responsibility for their journey.

Good questions are not the sole realm of the coach. They are tools for all of us, any who truly want to engage with those around us in a meaningful way, who want to see evangelism and discipleship not simply as a task, something to check off our to-do list, but a relationship. A journey with another.

But relationships are complicated, right? How do we know what questions to ask? When to be listening? When to be speaking? When to be speaking directly into a person’s life?

In coaching circles, we often use the terms “angle” or “360° questions”. They are designed to help the coachee see things from a different angle, a different perspective. Questions like:

• What are the underlying issues?
• What are emotions you are experiencing?
• What are the values you are trying to honour here?
• In what way does this affect other areas of your life? Your family? Work?

For Mr. A, progress in his spiritual journey required not just introducing him to Jesus, but having his weighty burden of choice lifted. Our conversations centred around his values, in particular making the right choice of religion for his family. After some time, he realised that rather than facing one big choice, he was facing multiple smaller choices, including one which would eventually lead his wife to come to faith and influence Mr. A in turn. Mr. A’s spiritual journey continues, and he is now more open to having deeper conversations.

As we journey with those around us, those in our churches and communities, we must take the time to truly listen, ask questions that matter, and pay attention to the answers. We must also be praying that the Lord our God will give us listening ears and listening hearts.