In quietness shall be your strength

As I sat typing in the word-processing department at Campus Crusade’s (Cru) headquarters, I struggled with my thoughts: I am not as good as the campus staff. All I do is sit here in the office and type. But I also thought, I have the brains to do something more important than just typing in names and addresses all day.

A valuable early lesson

As a young college graduate, I had wanted to work full-time in the campus ministry, sharing Christ with and discipling students. But I was asked to work at headquarters for my first year or two. I typed in the name and address of a donor, pushed the button to print out the letter with the donor’s name inserted, and waited to type in the next name and address.

Since my work had small breaks between typing each name and address while the letter printed, I made the most of my time by memorizing Philippians. Through that, the Lord spoke to my heart. Concerning my thoughts that I was too good for such a lowly job, he reminded me that Jesus, though he was Almighty God, humbled himself to become a man and die on the cross for me (Phil. 2:5–8). Yikes! Who was I to complain that I was too good for my so-called lowly job?

Then my heart was deeply convicted by Paul’s words that all his accomplishments in life were “as rubbish” compared to “the surpassing value of knowing Christ” (Phil. 3:8 NASB). Wow. Just knowing Christ is way more valuable than anything I might accomplish. He cares way more about who I am—my heart—than what I do.

This was a huge lesson that would be foundational and one I have been reminded of repeatedly throughout my life.

The full, busy years

After two years at headquarters, the Lord graciously allowed me to work in the campus ministry in the US and then to work in campus ministry in Japan. Very active, busy, fulfilling years. But since I enjoyed it so much, I had a tendency to overdo, to overschedule, and work to exhaustion.

I clearly remember some Mondays (our day off), sleeping late, waking to eat breakfast, and going back to sleep again, unable to do anything else. I neglected my weekly cleaning chore because I could hardly drag my body up. I’m sorry for my dear roommates for all those chores I neglected!

Fast-forward to marriage and three kids—fun and fulfilling years. Over the years, I learned and relearned how to balance work and rest, to prioritize time with God and family over ministry activities, sometimes failing, sometimes getting it right.

Called to rest

Over the years, as our children grew older and more independent, I began taking on more ministry responsibilities than I had when they were small. Especially during the pandemic when meetings went online, it was easy to schedule back-to-back meetings. Some days I had one or two meetings in the morning, one or two in the afternoon, and then one or two at night. If there wasn’t a meeting, there was always preparation work for the next day’s meetings or email communications to do after dinner. One night, though, I didn’t have anything pressing I needed to do. After dinner, I thought, What shall I work on? What do I need to accomplish now?

The next day I decided to go to a park. It was my monthly day with the Lord and I just walked around and asked him what he wanted to say to me. As I walked, these thoughts came to mind:

Last night, why did I feel like I had to accomplish some kind of work? I don’t think it was because I’m trying to gain my self-worth from my accomplishments. Or am I? I thought I had a good handle on the fact that I am very loved just for being his child, not for what I do. I really do enjoy my work. And it does feel good to accomplish one more thing on my to-do list. Of course, the Lord wants to use me to reach and disciple and train people. But what if he is more pleased if I do not accomplish one more thing but choose rather to rest with him?

That last thought hit me like a ton of bricks. Really? He would be more pleased if I did not accomplish one more thing?

Why did that surprise me so much? Does the Lord not call us to come to him and rest (Matt. 11:28–30)? Didn’t he want to gather us under his wings as a hen gathers her chicks (Matt. 23:37)? Didn’t Jesus tell Martha that Mary had chosen the good thing by sitting at his feet and listening instead of running around serving (Luke 10:38–42)?

Benefits of adding margin

I decided to make some changes in the way I schedule my days. If I had meetings scheduled for morning and afternoon, I would not put in something in the evenings. Or if I had an evening meeting, I would leave either morning or afternoon open. I would try not to schedule meetings back-to-back.

One day, I had things scheduled for the morning and evening. I was asked to do something in the afternoon. I really wanted to help but reluctantly refused. It turned out that, because of the free time in the afternoon, I was able to spend a little longer time—very meaningful time—with my morning appointment.

As part of my efforts to befriend non-Christians, I am a part of a multilingual club, which has various meetings in different places. One evening, I could choose between being super-rushed at dinner to attend a face-to-face meeting or eating relaxedly with my husband before attending a different online meeting. I chose the latter. At the online meeting, I was able to briefly share my testimony when my new friends there asked why I had come to Japan. I was able to share a little of how God had changed me from being super shy to enjoying meeting new people when he showed me his unconditional love. There have been many other times when I could see later that making the hard decision to say no to some activity proved to be more meaningful.

I have begun to participate in a group for Japanese Christian workers, practicing times of quiet reflection and meditation.¹ This has also deepened my awareness of self and God.

The Lord says, “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.” Then Isaiah tells the people, “But you were unwilling” (Isa. 30:15 ESV). Oh, I pray that I would be willing. I am still learning and have far to go. But I am grateful for how he has continued to be faithful to teach me and work in me that I may find rest in him.

1. CLSK クリスチャン・ライフ成長研究会 (translated as Christian Life Growth Study Group/Research Society) https://clsk-ss.blogspot.com/p/clsk.html