Live with authenticity

Last year, as I sat in a Nozomi Project meeting with two coworkers, Yui^* and Karena, Yui asked me if I had gone shopping that weekend to look for a certain cup. I’d promised to do this but had completely forgotten to go, and I didn’t want to admit it. And so I muttered, “Yes, I went a bit but I didn’t find anything.”

A few minutes later, the Holy Spirit started whispering in my heart. I had been asking Jesus to show me my sin; he had been faithfully revealing my tendency towards deceit in order to look good.

It took me two hours, but I told Yui and Karena that I’d lied because I wanted to look better in their eyes. They were both surprised but very gracious.

Later that day, Yui opened up about her struggles with parenting. She said she’d been embarrassed to tell me before. In those special moments, we experienced genuine open relationship, without shame.

A week later, I was leading a Nozomi staff meeting, and I shared this story and my struggle with deception. I shared that I am recognizing my need to not worry so much about looking good. Leading with integrity for me meant choosing honesty and vulnerability.

A short time after that meeting, Mari,^* another Nozomi staff member, told me that she was dealing with anxiety and depression. She ended up spending several days at our home, and I connected her with a Christian counselor who has helped immensely. We are thankful that she is getting better and still open to Jesus.

My purpose in sharing my yucky sin with my Japanese friends was not for the sake of evangelism. But because I chose vulnerability, it freed me from shame and gave others permission to share things they’d been hiding. It opened doors for the reality of the gospel to break forth.

Shame is such a barrier builder! It keeps relationships from blossoming. It smothers personalities. Shame forces people to stay cloaked under secrets.

It requires repentance for anyone to come to Jesus; vulnerability is needed for true heart-turning. Yet the very private nature of Japanese people may be one of the factors that make conversions difficult. Much has been written about the Japanese people, shame, and their sense of self. We know that most Japanese have a “highly private self. It may not even be expressed to one’s own family members.”¹ A Japanese person who is expected to yield him or herself to Jesus, naming and confessing their sins, is not going to have an easy time. As one researcher stated, “self-exposure itself can be said to amount to a norm violation.”²

Be authentic and humble

Christians modeling authenticity and humility can assist the Holy Spirit in leading Japanese to Jesus. Vulnerability is not easy. And contrary to what we think, being vulnerable is the opposite of being weak. It’s an act of courage. The researcher Brené Brown, in her famous work on shame and vulnerability, says that “we can measure how brave you are by how vulnerable you’re willing to be.”³

One of the most formative books I have read in a long time is Paul Miller’s The J-Curve. He writes about the need for us to choose daily to follow Jesus in the “J-Curve”⁴ of humility: “I learn patience down low. Love always pulls me down into other people’s lives . . . An act of repentance or love reenacts the dying of Jesus in the present. Our J-Curves complete what Jesus started. In this strange borderland where beauty and brokenness live side by side, the beauty of Jesus shines through us and we lose sight of ego. His self becomes our self.”⁵

Choosing acts of humility and vulnerability can be beautiful ways to model the truth of Jesus to our Japanese community. Doesn’t Paul say it best? “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me’” (2 Cor. 12:9 NIV). The more we boast in our weakness, the more Christ’s power will rest on me. And there is no better ingredient for evangelism than the power of Jesus Christ!

Allow others to help us

When my husband and I moved to Japan, our coworker Takeshi Takazawa gave us great advice: Allow Japanese people to help you. Don’t come in as the teacher; rather create a humble posture where they can help you. A second way that we can demonstrate a posture of humility is by finding genuine opportunities which allow Japanese to help us. These proactive actions can erase the formal barriers that often exist here.

When we first moved to a new home in a new neighborhood in Hyogo Prefecture, we didn’t know anyone. A few days later, our doorbell rang and an elegant, gray-haired lady introduced herself. Her daughter had lived in the US and had been helped by Americans, so she wanted to help us.

We were touched by Mrs. Ishida’s kindness and the vegetables she brought. Shortly after this, we took her some homemade muffins. Then she brought us some grilled fish. And so the “okaeshi competition” continued. This exchange of goods was fun, but it wasn’t getting us deeper in relationship.

One day, on a whim, I rang Ishida-san’s doorbell. I explained that my husband and I had had a fight, and I’d realized it was mostly my fault. I wanted to make him a Japanese-style salmon dinner because I knew it was one of his favorites. But I didn’t know how to make it like his mom (who had grown up in Japan) might have done. Could she help me?

She ran to her cupboard and pulled out a can of white sauce. She told me how to cook it. I thanked her, happy for this interaction, and went home.

Ten minutes later, she was at my door wearing her apron. “No, no, Sue! Not a white sauce! What was I thinking? I need to come into your kitchen and show you how to do a shōyu-mirin salmon!”

I was thrilled to have this time with Ishida-san! We cooked and laughed and talked about husbands and fights and a hundred ways to cook salmon.

That was the beginning of an amazing friendship. Six months later, when their daughter was going through a hard time, they sought us out for prayer, and they saw God remarkably answer. The Ishidas are still like Japanese grandparents to our children. Choosing a posture of need can break through the stiffness of relationships and forge new friendships.

Be willing to confess

Finally, choosing a posture of vulnerability among fellow Christians can provide much-needed fellowship, as well as make it easier for Japanese to feel comfortable entering the church. James 5:16 says, “Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The fervent prayer of a righteous person is very powerful” (NABRE). Churches are good at communion, Bible teaching, and worship—but not very good at confession. Perhaps we are afraid of looking bad in front of one another?

In my doctoral research of missionaries adjusting to Japan, I found that while most of us who move to Japan desire genuine relationships, many do not find them. One man said that the other missionaries “were not ready to share vulnerably or honestly and you didn’t admit to sin in front of them. It was like you just had to put on this face and be a really wonderful missionary.”

Confession and authenticity are part of the intimacy that we crave. And it’s the perfect antidote to shame. If non-Christians could witness truth and vulnerability being practiced among Christians, wouldn’t they be more likely to want to join our communities?

I remember a friend who had the chance to visit Bethlehem and the place where they think Jesus was born. She said it was like a cave—one had to crawl to enter.

I sure do not naturally enjoy such a lowly posture! But as we engage in our relationship with Jesus and each other, a humble heart is still our best means of honest fellowship. As Christians, and as missionaries, choosing authenticity and vulnerability can help us to set aside the human tendency of shame and experience genuine relationships. Vulnerability can help knock down barriers and possibly even provide openings to share our faith with non-Christians.

* Not her real name.
1. James Sack, Shame in Japan (Departmental Bulletin Paper, Japan Lutheran College, March 2004), 120.https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/228945916.pdf
2. Takie Sugiyama Lebra, “Shame and Guilt: A Psychocultural View of the Japanese Self,” Ethos, Vol. 11, No. 3, (Autumn 1983), 192–209. https://anthrosource.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1525/eth.1983.11.3.02a00070
3. Erin Jensen, “5 takeaways on vulnerability from Brené Brown’s ‘The Call To Courage’”, https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/tv/2019/04/19/brene-brown-call-courage-netflix-vulnerability/3497969002/ (April 19, 2019).
4. J-Curve: “Like the letter J, Jesus’s life descends through his incarnation and then death, and then upward into his resurrection and exaltation.” From: https://www.crossway.org/articles/10-things-you-should-know-about-the-j-curve/ (June 29, 2019).
5. Paul Miller, The J-Curve (Wheaton: Crossway, 2019), 114.