The journey from stranger to friend

I have lived in Japan for 30 years, most of them as an army wife. One thing I’ve learned is that becoming part of a Japanese community and building trust and confidence in relationships takes many years and a variety of shared mutual experiences. Language was a barrier from the start for me, and I also needed to “grow into” this culture and learn to appreciate the many differences in our two lifestyles, history, roles, education methods, etc.

I now have many Japanese friends, but there is one who stands out as my forever friend! Ten years ago, Kikue became my first English student at our newly founded Rose Town Ministries. I gathered a group of ladies with an advanced level of English, and we decided on doing a book club together. We met twice monthly, and began with Anne of Green Gables, a story they all read when they were in high school.

This book is a good one to use as a discussion starter about our two cultures—mine British-Canadian and theirs Japanese. This story about a red-haired, feisty, little orphan girl living on Prince Edward Island in the 1930s contains many lessons about truth-telling, respect for elders, self-worth, and friendship. All these themes are intertwined with Christian ideology and values. We discussed Anne’s struggles to understand why God made her as she was and where her place in life was. They, too, shared about family and personal situations that were tricky, such as living with in-laws, caring for elderly parents, and dealing with adult children who stayed hidden in their rooms (hikikomori). We discussed how Anne’s adoptive mother taught her to pray and take everything to Jesus, as well as how prayer is viewed in Japanese society (they believe in prayer but pray to many gods, not only Jesus). Their openness to discussions about Christianity surprised me, as did their reluctance to become Christians.

One consistent student

Our group changed members from time to time, but Kikue remained consistent. She was faithful and never missed a lesson, even after we experienced the Tohoku earthquake and tsunami of March 2011. Kikue and I spoke almost daily by phone after the quake, me asking questions about the announcements on the public address system. She informed me of electrical outages, changes in train schedules, gasoline shortages, and supplies in stores that were being limited to one per customer. We grew closer as friends as my dependence on her increased and my “foreignness” to her diminished. I—the outsider, the sensei—needed her help in order to have even a breath of confidence in that situation.

One interesting aspect of this period was that her husband willingly drove her to our lessons since the trains were not reliable. He would drop her off in our parking lot but was too shy to come in and meet me. However, one day via Kikue, he presented me with a beautiful photo of our place taken from the bridge. He was a professional moviemaker and photographer, and although I never met him, I learned many things about him through Kikue. In November of 2011, he passed away from cancer. Through this, I came to understand better the Buddhist views on death. I tried to comfort her during her early days of grieving, and especially to be the friend she had so faithfully been to me.

When my family and I opened a tea shop in west Tokyo (Rose Town Tea Garden), I asked Kikue if she could help us for a while since she spoke both Japanese and English. She assisted us enormously with understanding Japanese rules and regulations when operating a restaurant. By that time, our friendship had grown to the point where I felt confident in asking for her help. Although she was 74 years old and about to retire from her lifelong job of teaching English to junior high students, she agreed and joined us. We were only open two days a week at first, but the word quickly got out. Soon we had newspaper reporters and TV people at our door. Kikue, being a private person, hid away from the cameras when reporters came for interviews. After the program on us aired, we were suddenly busy. Kikue stayed with us awhile until it became too hectic for her to continue.

Precious English club friends

As the shop grew, our group class times dwindled; we went from weekly lessons to just once a month. Currently, we meet only when someone has a birthday celebration. The amazing thing is that they have never said, “That’s the end of our English club. Goodbye and carry on.” Whenever I bump into one of them on Facebook or other media, we always talk about getting together again. I have had so many wonderful American military friends over the years but none who have kept tabs on me the way these dear, sweet women have. I am indebted to them on so many levels.

In November of 2012, Kikue, her friends, and I—along with a group of women from America—had the rare privilege of joining Liz Curtis Higgs, a well-known Christian author, on a tour of Scotland for five days. Liz travelled to Scotland ten times while writing her novels based on the story of Jacob and Esau (Lowlands of Scotland Series).¹ All 35 of the other women were Christians. Every morning before we got on our bus to go visit a site, Liz led us in a devotional centered around the story of Ruth. It was a little difficult for my Japanese friends to understand everything, but later on the bus or at another time, we would discuss the devotional more. One of the Japanese women recorded Liz’s talks as well as our guide’s so she could listen again when she returned home.

It was during this trip together that our friendship solidified even more. Being among a whole group of Christian women was something my Japanese friends had never experienced before. As non-Christians, they’d never been to church or witnessed Christian fellowship. They saw how quickly I made friends with women I had never met before but had an immediate affinity with because we all loved Jesus. Every night at dinner, Liz chose a different group of women so that we could all have at least one meal with her. This was so interesting and fun for my friends! All of us were assigned different seats each night so that we would meet everyone on the tour and get to know them a little better. This was more challenging for the Japanese ladies, especially when it necessitated communicating with Americans with strong accents. However, they all enjoyed their mealtimes with the other women and managed fine without my assistance. Kikue made a lasting friend, and they have continued in communication since 2012. Debbie sends Kikue her long, annual Christmas letter as well as copies of Christian children’s books that she thinks she will enjoy reading, including an original story she wrote.

I am so thankful to God for the way he brought Kikue and the other women into my life. Not only am I the richer for their faithful friendships, but I have also been able to share so many aspects of my life and walk in God with them. They appreciate and enjoy learning about Christianity, Christmas, Easter, having dinner parties at our home, making crafts, and hearing Bible stories. We have done some simple Bible studies together as well. Although I’ve presented the gospel in as many ways as I know, none have turned to Jesus to offer him their lives yet. They do not know that in the middle of the night when I cannot sleep, I pray for them, sometimes with tears, begging God, “PLEASE, don’t let me leave this earth without knowing that Kikue and her friends will be joining me in heaven!” Though I ache for them, I see now that their faithful friendships have led me in a process of growing my resilient hope and trust in the Lord for their sake. He is faithful and true, and his love never fails. We can keep loving others because he first loved us.

1. Liz Curtis Higgs, Thorn in My Heart, Lowlands of Scotland Series (Colorado Springs: Waterbrook Press, 2003). (Series of four books)