The prodigal daughter

That day I was busy homeschooling our younger children. But, after years of rebellion and major conflict, it wasn’t uncommon to be at odds with our oldest child. The night before, I had gone to bed knowing that she would come home late from work, and Daddy would deal with it. I anticipated that again we would discover what appeared to be lies and deceit; yet another house rule broken. In the morning, I found out that, as usual, he’d tried to talk to her the night before and didn’t get anywhere. When she came down that morning, she wanted to press her case with him, but he was on his way out the door to a meeting. It would have to wait, and he left.

She disappeared upstairs, and I could hear strange noises, like unusual things were being moved around. She came up and down the stairs many times. At some point, everything went quiet. We reached an end to the homeschool unit I was teaching, and I went to check on her. She was nowhere to be found. The following months of sleepless nights, waiting for her to come back of her own volition, were excruciating.

Self-doubt

Where did we go wrong? What should we have done differently? What if I had said this then or stopped that before it started? Did we give her social media too early? Too late? If we weren’t missionaries, would she have had less identity struggles? If we had been in a big church with an amazing youth department and lots of great influences surrounding her, would that have fixed it? The questions and self-blame haunted me day in and day out.

We had dealt with this rebellious phase for several years. The very dangerous choices came one after another, and just when we thought the next issue couldn’t be any more outlandish, it was. Just when we thought that another more horrible choice couldn’t possibly be made, it was.

At the Father’s feet

We prayed and we prayed. When her choices almost led her straight into being trafficked, we laid her at the Father’s feet and said, “Whatever it takes, Lord, get her attention and open her eyes.” My faith was challenged to its limits.

The final outcome is still unknown. Several times, things have looked positive and then regressed. Have we been through the worst of it? That remains to be seen. God knew and saw the moment she walked out that door the first time, and he has known and seen every situation all along the way. He has rescued her from so many unbelievably dangerous situations in truly miraculous ways many times. Each time I watch God orchestrate an incredible intervention, my trust rises. I am ashamed that I don’t trust him more, even before I see just how merciful he can be to her in her sin.

I now know the pain the prodigal’s father felt as he watched his son walk away. I know all the fears. The waiting is the hardest. How do you not let fear become the baseline emotion that is so near you can’t escape it? How do you do ministry when thoughts of that precious child and her well-being plague your every thought every moment of every day?

Trust

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” (Heb. 11:1 NIV).

I cannot see the future, but I serve a God who does. I must learn to place my trust at all times in his character and not my own. I must learn to be confident in his love and care for us (especially my children), not my love as a parent. I must put my assurance in his sovereignty, not my fumbling attempts to respond to what happens. If we are called to be missionaries, my kids are called to be missionary kids. God knew they would be ours. I must have faith in God. He is my daughter’s creator, her sustainer, her ultimate protector. And he is also mine.

This stage, of transition into being the parents of young adults, is hard! If you are a parent who struggles with all these fears and uncertainties about serving on the field with kids (even if they are little angels), you are certainly not alone. I have found so much peace in God’s Word. Read Psalm 130 and 143.

James 1:2–4 says, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” (ESV).