Adding a Single Hour
Even though the statistics say that 80% of what we worry about will never happen, we still find ourselves anxious and apprehensive far too often. Missionaries are no exception. Actually, missionaries often feel they have more to worry about than most: transitions, separations, education, cultural and language mistakes, financial support—the list goes on and on. Worrying can quickly develop into a bad habit. The following are some helpful hints on how to prevent the habit of worrying from taking over your life.
Control worry, rather than letting it control you
In a recent counseling session, a woman shared how worried she was about so many things. When I asked her what worrying did for her, she responded, “At least I feel like I’m doing something.” Unfortunately, in the case of worrying, the opposite is true. Worrying gives us only a false sense of control. One helpful step for stopping a worrisome thought dead in its tracks is to ask three questions and do two exercises:
- What is the worst thing that could happen?
- Is this outcome likely?
- Is this outcome a real problem?
- If it is, make a list of solutions.
- Evaluate each solution, and choose the best one for this problem.1
Differentiate realistic concern from worry
A realistic concern is something that is actual and concrete, a difficult situation that you are facing without having all the resources you need to deal with it. For example, transitioning to a new ministry, your children adjusting to a new school, juggling language study and a ministry, are all causes for concern. Being concerned about whether or not you can handle these situations is realistic. Worry, on the other hand, focuses on things that may or may not happen with little or no evidence that they really could happen. If you find yourself speculating that something “might” or “could” happen, it’s probably worry rather than a realistic concern.2
Don’t “what if” off a cliff
Like the proverbial snowball, worries often escalate, getting worse and worse the more time we spend on them. A big challenge missionaries face is raising their kids overseas. Our worries for them can include: Will my kids be normal? Can they readjust to their home country? Will they resent us for raising them overseas? Instead of imagining all the worst-case scenarios, try to stay in touch with the most realistic possibilities. Follow some good advice: deal with “what is” not “what if.”3
Put boundaries around worries
Missionaries often find themselves “second guessing” past decisions. “If I had tried harder, or prayed longer, or strategized better that person would have gotten saved, or the church would have stayed together, or the church members would be further along spiritually.” These thoughts are part of an all-too-common cycle of regret missionaries often find themselves stuck in. But we can limit this if we put a healthy boundary around those past decisions by saying, “I made the best decision I could under the circumstances.” By also remembering that God is in control, the practice of looking back at the past can become comforting rather than frustrating and leading to worry.4
These are helpful steps for overcoming the habit of worrying. But perhaps the most helpful step is to look back on tough times you’ve had in the past and recall how God provided for you then. This will help you take heart. But the best reason of all not to worry is contained in the familiar verse from the Sermon on the Mount, “And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?”(NASB).
1. Drs. Leslie Sokol and Dr. Marci G. Fox in their article, “How to Put Boundaries around Worry”, http://www.beliefnet.com/Health/How-to-Put-Boundaries-Around-Worry.aspx
2. Sokol and Fox, Ibid
3. Sokol and Fox, Ibid
4. Sokol and Fox, Ibid
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