Courageously single

As two single women serving as overseas missionaries, we often grapple with our singleness. Our own emotions, the enemy, the world, common messages heard from the church, and sympathetic words from friends have challenged us again and again. We’ve wrestled with all of this, but rather than being sidelined or taken out of the faith or Kingdom work by, for example, loneliness or idolizing marriage, God’s given grace upon grace to help us thrive more and more for his gospel and the Great Commission.

Rebecca

Sometimes misplaced “kindness” is applied in how singles approach themselves and in how others approach them. It originates out of feelings of sympathy or a desire to comfort the sadness and loneliness singles can feel. Of course, there are moments when that is needed; however, what is needed much more often, yet is profoundly lacking, is for singles to remind themselves and for others to remind their single brothers and sisters of the precious and high calling they have received.

For a long time, I often felt sorry for myself in my single life, and I struggled with longing for a relationship. I repeatedly heard lies from the enemy related to my singleness: “You’re worthless! You have no life as a single! You’re missing out on real life!” I experienced emotional and spiritual exhaustion from these strong feelings and lies. I desperately wanted freedom.

One day while reading Colossians 3:1–4 (which tells us to set our hearts and minds on things above and describes our lives as being now hidden with Christ in God), Jesus spoke to me, saying that I could indeed experience freedom. In truth, it was simpler than I realized—if only I would deliberately and repeatedly set my heart and mind on things above. We aren’t at the mercy of our longings; rather, we can make moment by moment choices. Jesus also reminded me that my life’s value could not be measured by my status as married or single or by any earthly thing. Whenever I struggled, if I meditated on my life being hidden with Christ in God, I deeply felt the untouchable value of my life.

I also read 1 Corinthians 7:33–35, which exhorts unmarried women to be concerned about the Lord’s affairs rather than a husband’s and to live with undivided devotion to the Lord. I repented and felt humbled by what a tremendous privilege it was to be single and to live with an undivided heart and devotion to the Lord and his Kingdom. I committed myself to set my heart and mind and to remember my high calling.

However, it’s much easier said than done. My wayward heart often led me back to my old ways of thinking and feeling, and I received intense testing in various circumstances. I spent the better part of a year facing my feebleness, repenting again and again for my divided heart and mind until God mercifully brought me into a more spacious place of freedom.

One starry night as I stood next to Lake Yamanaka in the freezing cold, tears flowed uncontrollably. Amazingly, the tears were not being shed from the sadness of loneliness or the desire for a partner. They were tears of joy shed from marveling at the sheer goodness and mercy of Jesus toward me on this journey. He gave me a new peace and firm convictions to help me in times of struggle or attack. He had freed me from my heaviness at being single!

We are meant to thrive in our singleness; however, we have a strong enemy, along with a variety of internal and external challenges, that often prevent us from thriving. We need to bravely speak to our own hearts, and we need others around us to also courageously speak to us of the truth and the incredibly beautiful calling of a life of singleness.

Becky

As a single, I have been told to wait—wait to find the husband God has prepared in advance. I was watching my friends be called to the battlefield one after another as mothers. All the while, I felt God calling me to the battlefield, and I was just “waiting.” As I tightly grasped my idol of marriage, I was missing the calling to the field.

One thing that I have learned in my life so far is that marriage is not some level you achieve if you are good enough or even a higher-class Christian. In fact, Paul proclaims that it is better to stay single. As single Christians, we have a role to play in the body, a role that is mutually supporting and being supported by the body of Christ. The good news of the New Testament is that we are called into the family of Christ by the work of him who hung on the cross. In Genesis, God says it’s not good for man to be alone. Many people (including me) have confused the remedy for loneliness to be marriage, but Christ gives us the remedy in him and the body that he has adopted us into.

I’m tired of waiting for my husband to show up to start this amazing adventure with Christ. It’s time for us to stop hoping our loneliness will be remedied by a spouse and trust in the hope Christ gives that he won’t leave us alone and look to our family in him for the mutual support that he calls us into. It’s time to join the battle. He has given us everything we need to face it. It’s time to leave the sidelines.

Our hope for this article is to encourage our fellow single Christians. We hope to remind ourselves that God has given us a great purpose. As we lean into the body for support, there will, of course, be hang-ups, but we can trudge on together. Christ is with us; he weeps with us, rejoices with us, and will provide everything we need to live a life glorifying him.

Photo by Rebecca Evans