Cultivating caring community

We know that God does not want people to go through life alone and that He has created all of us for community. However, so many single mission workers feel alone or lonely, yearning for people to journey with them through the ups and downs of ministry and life.

As someone who has been involved in people care for over 20 years, I believe our response should be to practice caring for one another. Having never been married, I understand some of the challenges of global mission work as a single person. At times, it has been challenging lacking a supportive community to share the struggles I faced as a single person, engaging in ministry in an isolated cross-cultural setting. In my talks with many other single mission workers, I discovered that my struggles were not unique and that there was a need for more intentional community-building for single mission workers.

The New Testament is full of commands that specifically teach or direct us on how and how not to relate to “one another.” How we relate to one another in Christian community has a direct impact on our witness in communities where Christ is least known. I know the command Jesus gave for us to “love one another” (John 13:35) is not easy to live out; however, with the help of the Holy Spirit, we can start by avoiding generalizations. A community is made up of many individuals. Each person is unique in personality, needs, and the way they view and respond to the world. Yet we often make generalizations about people. For example, all women like to cook, all men can fix things, or all kids/teenagers have messy rooms. How do you feel when generalizations are made about you? Sometimes we can dismiss them, or sometimes they may be hurtful and offensive. Either way, these generalizations are not helpful.

Our intentions are good, but our way of caring may be like two people speaking different languages to one another. One person feels like they gave good care while the other person leaves feeling uncared for. In building caring relationships, I believe it is important to observe and ask people how they feel and how they want to be cared for, as well as to understand their language of love. Each of us perceives love and care differently. Does this person need quality time? Acts of service? Gifts? You might be bending over backwards to spend time with someone, but that person may just need you to be more explicit with words of encouragement or affirmation. It’s like two ships passing in the night—both wanting to care for the other and both not understanding why the message is not getting through or is not appreciated.

Here are a few suggestions for how to care for singles in your community:

• Single people have plenty of responsibilities in both work and ministry as well as looking after themselves, their homes, and hobbies. Don’t assume a worker who is single can take on extra tasks and duties. The need to respect time for rest and relaxation is vital and not dependent on status; healthy rhythms of work and life are essential for us all.
• Asking single people how they can be best supported and cared for and what they would like (or not like) is an excellent start. This enables a conversation about what might be helpful or most appreciated, paving the way to understand what boundaries our single sisters and brothers have.
• When someone lives alone, there is no one at home with whom to share and process affairs of the day or share spiritual insights and pray. Be intentional about being available to share some of these day-to-day necessities.
• Having a team member with practical skills close by can be helpful or provide a contact point for advice and help (e.g., home repairs, where to go for certain items).
• Asking people how they’re doing in their walk with the Lord is something that can be lacking in our missionary community. Single people may have no one to hold them accountable, so ask them how they’re doing spiritually, including how they’re spending time with the Lord and what God is teaching them.

Consider the other person’s perspective. Here’s a tip: people often want to be cared for in the way they show care. Instead of making assumptions or generalizations, look for what is meaningful to them, or simply ask them. God has created us to live in caring community with one another as we bring His love to the people in places where Christ is least known. Each of us is complete in Christ; let’s remember our identity as children of God and, in turn, the important role of being sacred siblings to one another.