Joy came before the healing

The crisis came to our family when our 16-year-old daughter was in her second year as a high school boarder. One day, Elizabeth phoned me to say that she was not well, not eating very much, and not going to school. I thought she had a cold or stomach problem.

Some days later, she got in touch with us again. This time, she said that she had been out of breath and had to skip PE class. With this call, I thought there was something more than just a cold. We discovered then that she had hardly been eating anything, just drinking some milk with soybean powder each day.

Troubling news

I had become a missionary when I married David, the first missionary sent by the British Methodist Church to Japan. He worked with the United Church of Christ, teaching English at Okinawa Christian College. After our marriage, I started to help local churches in Okinawa.

Elizabeth had gone to live in a school dormitory at a Catholic high school in Chiba Prefecture. It was the first time that she lived away from us, and it must have been difficult for her to get used to this new life.

She was a scholarship student and studied very hard to get a good score in every subject. She was our pride. However, one thing that concerned us was her diet. She started to have allergic reactions to onion. So we had to ask the dormitory to prepare special meals for her. Still, she wasn’t happy about the dormitory food.

Then we had that phone call where she told us she was hardly eating anything, so we arranged for her to come home for recuperation.

When she came home, she looked so bony and showed symptoms of anorexia. However, she thought she was fat and felt guilty about eating. At her request, we went to a psychiatrist. But she was unwilling to take any medication, not even an IV drip. Instead, we went to a chemist and got nutritional supplements she liked. What Elizabeth really wanted was to see a Christian counsellor, but it was not easy to find one in Okinawa.

It was a time of struggle for the family that we couldn’t share openly with others. Anorexia wasn’t well known at that time in Japan. Our pride as parents was really shaken, and we were in despair. However, a tremendous change came unexpectedly.

How God intervened in our family

Elizabeth and I were having breakfast together one day after David and our son, Paul, had left. In front of Elizabeth on her table mat was a pudding. She had refused to eat it for supper the night before and promised me she would eat it the next morning. But she looked very reluctant to eat it. I said to her sternly, “You promised you would eat it!” After a pause, she started to eat.

As a mother, I was very relieved. However, when I looked at her again, I saw that she was crying as she ate. When I saw her tears, my eyes were suddenly opened and I was able to understand how bad it was to force her to do something she didn’t want to do. I felt that I had to say sorry to her. It took me a while. Then, when I did, we both cried together. It was a moment when our mother-daughter relationship deepened. That was also when the Holy Spirit became so real to me and I was dramatically changed in a way I hadn’t been before.

As I was hanging the washing on the balcony, I felt like singing a song. So I started singing Naida Hearn’s song of praise “Jesus, Name above all Names.” Suddenly a spring of joy bubbled up in my heart. I felt so joyful that the colour of the sky changed before me. The sun was shining brightly. I felt almost like St. Paul meeting Jesus on the way to Damascus. It was an awesome experience. While I couldn’t share it with my family straight away, it didn’t take long for them to realise something had changed. It was my son who first noticed it. “Mummy, you have changed!” I used to tell him off a lot for not studying hard enough, but now I was less hard on him.

The joy that I experienced that day stayed with me and changed my life. I became more active, which helped with my health. I became bolder and that led me to try new things. I had more trust in God, so I wasn’t disturbed when Elizabeth swung from undereating to overeating. The Lord also gave me wisdom to help people in trouble. Above all was the sense of closeness to God, the feeling that because God is with me, I am okay.

The changes I experienced were a great help for my daughter’s recovery. I became more ready to listen to her, so she started talking about things she felt she couldn’t share with me before. In short, I became her best counsellor.

Don’t despair!

When Elizabeth got better, she went back to the school in Chiba but still wasn’t happy about the school and its dormitory life. So, with the help of our mission board, she was able to finish her studies in New Zealand instead and went to university there. While she was studying in New Zealand, she even started ballroom dancing. She eventually went on to dance all over the world as a professional.

As I read books about eating disorders, there were two things mentioned that were possible positive outcomes, and we got to experience both. One is that recovery gives the person a new life. Elizabeth became more lively and was able to express herself more freely. The second is a positive change in family life. Our home became more comfortable and peaceful for each of us. In particular, the children didn’t need to hear any more shouting from me. As Galatians 5:22–23 says, “But the Spirit produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (GNT).

God’s help often comes in unexpected ways. To help my daughter recover, He changed me. Meanwhile, it took about one year for Elizabeth to become well, and she didn’t have a relapse.

I have heard that it can take a long time to recover from eating disorders. In some cases, it never goes away. Our case is just one example of the different ways that God intervenes. The important thing is that we don’t despair and keep trusting in Him. He can bring something good out of a crisis. I pray that our story gives you some hints for recovery if you are going through similar trouble. May the name of the Lord be glorified through it all!