Two common TCK struggles
Rootlessness and restlessness are challenges that continue into adulthood for TCKs
The TCK’s life has many challenges. But one of the most demanding moments comes when asked: Where are you from? A TCK, or third culture kid, is a child “who grows up in a culture different from the one in which his or her parents grew up.”1 This leads to divided loyalties and causes them to struggle with the question: Where is home? They become adults who struggle with rootlessness and restlessness.
Rootlessness
Most TCKs will tell you that they feel most at home in airports—in other words, on their way somewhere. This sense of rootlessness comes up every time our family prepares to go on home assignment (HA)—not only are my kids TCKs, but my husband is too. We have gone to my home area on every HA. This is not just where family is, but also where our friends and many supporters are. Additionally, most of our supporting churches are there, too. But this question always comes up: “Why do we have to go there?” My response is always the same: “Where else would we go?” This question is never answered, and the truth is: they don’t know.
For the TCK, “home connotes an emotional place—somewhere you truly belong.”2 Since most TCKs spend their lives away from their passport country, it doesn’t feel like home at all. An easier question to answer is: Where are you going for Christmas? This is usually anywhere their parents live. For the TCK, home is not a location as much as it is a relationship.
Rootlessness is an intrinsic third culture kid characteristic. One said she needed to challenge what made being rootless so hard to let go of. It became clear over time that she was afraid of losing her TCK identity. She now says, “Settling down and adapting does not undo my TCK identity, it just allows it to show up in different ways.”3
Restlessness
Most TCKs say that being content is difficult. They have what is known as a “migratory instinct.” Years of moving regularly as children causes them to be ready to move happily at a moment’s notice. My family anticipates “moving at any moment” so positively that it’s become a competition among them to see who can get the most in a suitcase the fastest and keep it under the 50 lb. weight limit for airplane travel.
This restlessness has been glamorized by using such synonyms as “wanderlust” or “global nomad.” These might be defined as “that longing feeling deep routed (sic) somewhere inside of us that forces images of travel and freedom on our day dreams (sic),” but the downside is that “the daydreams of these moments keep us from being present with the moments in front of us.”4 Many TCKs are completely unaware of this characteristic, often assuming they will settle down when they find “the ideal experience.”
One helpful recommendation to overcome restlessness is to remember that “the grass is not always greener on the other side—it is greener where you water it.”5 One TCK said, “I’m so restless. I feel like I need to move countries. It turns out it wasn’t the city that had to change, it was me!”6 Those who continue to learn and develop personally wherever they are will find they are able to tame the “wanderlust-monster”7 more easily.
Rootlessness and restlessness are both results of being raised somewhere other than your passport country. The way each TCK experiences rootlessness and restlessness will be different. But in spite of the challenges, most TCKs will tell you that they wouldn’t have it any other way.
1. “What Is a ‘Third-Culture Kid’?” Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/third-culture-kid (accessed August 14, 2019).
2. David C. Pollock, Michael D. Pollock, and Ruth E. Van Reken, Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds (London: Nicholas Brealey Publishing, 2017), 191.
3. Lauren Wells, “My Deepest TCK Fear,” TCK Training, June 1, 2017.
4. Maraki, “What is Wunderlust?” Steemit, https://steemit.com/travel/@maraki/what-is-wunderlust (accessed August 14, 2019).
5. Jezmeralda, “TCK: Feeling Restless and Fear of Settling Down,” March 21, 2016, http://jezmeralda.com/tck-restless/ (accessed August 14, 2019).
6. Olivia Charlet, “How You Can Conquer that TCK Restlessness,” 2016, https://cultursmag.com/how-you-can-conquer-that-tck-restlessness/ (accessed August 14, 2019).
7. Jezmeralda, “TCK: Feeling Restless.”