What are you waiting for?

“I don’t ever want to go back there again as long as I live” were my words as my 777 took off from Tokyo Narita Airport on the way back to Dallas. It was Labor Day weekend 2000, and I had taken advantage of my flight benefits at American Airlines to visit a missionary friend in Chiba. We must have covered the whole city of Tokyo the day after my arrival as we took an early morning train in and returned late to Chiba. It had been hot and humid, and I thought the place was so big and crowded. And I knew that they had earthquakes! All this made me never want to go back there again.

Five years later, I was living there and loving it. Obviously, God changed my heart and gave me a love for the Japanese people to see them come to know Christ.

A change of heart

But this is only the end of my story that started several years before that. I was born into a Jewish family, later becoming a predental student with no intention of God (or anyone, for that matter!) running my life. However, I came to Christ at the age of 26, believing that Jesus was the promised Jewish Messiah. After one year of dental school, I matriculated at Dallas Theological Seminary to study for ministry.

It had been a very difficult year before starting seminary; I had dropped out of dental school and went through a very painful breakup. Like many others, I longed to meet someone and marry. I had friends tell me that being single was a gift and that I had more time to serve God. To me, it was anything but a gift. I wanted to get married and then serve God. That’s what I was waiting for.

At DTS, I went to a get-together where students who had participated in summer missions projects shared their experiences. I remember a woman sharing about her summer in Haiti who mentioned she was the only single missionary. I had wanted to spend a summer overseas, but I thought I wanted to wait until I got married before going.

No more waiting

Guess who shared his summer missionary experience a year later? A single missionary who had an opportunity to relieve a missionary family in Daegu, South Korea, with Overseas Christian Servicemen’s Centers (OCSC, now Cadence International). The opportunity for me had opened, and God provided the necessary support. It was a life-changing summer as it was my first trip to Asia, and the fervency of the Korean Christians in their faith in prayer almost put me to shame. I didn’t need to wait to get married to go.

I had another opportunity to serve with OCSC the summer after I graduated from seminary, this time in Darmstadt, Germany. Once again, I took it without a wife.

Missionary service

I worked at American Airlines for a time, traveling to many places, including Japan. I knew how very few Japanese are believers, and my heart nearly broke for them. God opened the door for me to take an early retirement from the airline and serve as a missionary in Japan with Grace International Ministries. A church in Soka needed a missionary to teach conversational English as well as to serve as a pastor. The church preferred a single missionary because they could not afford to pay a couple and they could only provide one Religious Activities Visa. Again, with a heart for Japan and a love for the Japanese, I knew that I would have been a fool not to go, even without a wife. Again, nothing to wait for.

I loved my time in Japan, but the church’s policy was only to keep a missionary for a few years. I moved to Thailand for a few reasons, including a relationship that I hoped would be long term. It wasn’t, but I’m still living in Bangkok, where I preach and teach at both Thai- and English-speaking churches and online. Via Zoom, I also have taught expository preaching to Bible college students in Nepal and recently was asked to teach 60 Indian pastors.

Why am I telling you all this? Like many others, I had not planned on being single indefinitely. I am well aware of the struggles of being single: loneliness, fitting in in a couple’s world, and am well versed in Paul’s reminder that “it is better to marry than to burn” (1 Cor. 7:9 KJV). Why hadn’t God given me a wife when I so longed for one? I don’t have the answer. I do believe in God’s sovereignty and that he is able to provide a wife for me if he so chooses. I also knew that I had many opportunities to serve God that a married person with a family would not have. I also knew that I didn’t have the same stresses and pressures a married person would. I was free to serve God, and he gave me many opportunities to do so. No need to wait to get married.

An encouragement to singles

It is not the purpose of this article to give a theology of singleness, but it is my desire to encourage those who are single. This is where God has you at this stage in your life. I like what my friend Ray Pritchard said as he preached from Jeremiah 29: “You are where God has you. How do I know that? Because if he wanted you elsewhere, you’d be there. If God is God, that must be true.”

I don’t know all the reasons why you are still single if you do not want to be. Please don’t get married because it is “the thing to do” or to avoid loneliness. Marry only if God brings someone into your life who loves him, who you love, and who loves you. If God leads you to a person like this, then you should marry because it is proof of having found your life’s partner, as Chuck Swindoll once said. If you are single but not wanting to be, the only advice I can give you is to trust God. He knows all the reasons why you are single, and he does have a purpose for your life. He may have opportunities for you that you could not pursue if you were married. Take advantage of what God gives you and bloom where you are planted.

I don’t know if I will ever marry or not. It would be nice to have someone to share life with. When I was in my mid to late thirties, being single was very difficult for me to accept. But a few years ago, a friend asked me how I felt about it, and I told her that it was the least of my worries. So I will serve God as long as I am able and trust him with me being single or married. I encourage you to trust God with whatever state you find yourself in and to serve him wholeheartedly. What are you waiting for?